i never pictured me like this
writing you a heartbreak song
but all i got its chills
on my back and on my bones

how am i suposuse to feel?
you left me loving you forever
with no where to put it still

babe, i cant say i didnt try
i never wanted something so badly on my life
when im talking about it i can see you on my side

i dont want to read the last page
of the book we wrote together
i rather cut my skin on this paper cage

i guess i'm too in love

i never picture myself like this
calling my mom crying
with the tears i've saved for our first holiday
lying under the sun that are your eyes

i guess i'm too in love

i didn't like the loneliness of the house i lived in
that's why i moved out to the biggest city
i didn't like the loneliness of my heart that's why i looked out for you

''I feel very small. I don’t understand. I have so much courage, fire, energy, for many things, yet I get so hurt, so wounded by small things.''

- Anaïs Nin, from Nearer the Moon: The Previously Unpublished Unexpurgated Diary, 1937-1939

at least im not as sad as i used to be (or maybe i'm worst)

here i am
taking pills just to sit up straight
praying be to reborn
'cause i'm just a child and i can't wait 
to be petrified

every night i beg to be loved
a love that last forever
it's time to grow stronger and colder

do people even read these?
do they even listen to my voice when i sing?

if the dream is over, the dreamer is dead
if the dream is over, the dreamer is dead
if the dream is over, the dreamer is dead
if the dream is over, the dreamer is dead

jealousy is killing me
i wish i was dead
'cause i'm not good for you
and your pretty big heart

my insecurities hit hard
so much so hard
i'm killing myself tonight
'cause i know i'm not good for your
pretty big heart

wishing we could be lil bit older
wishing i could change
i'm scared
is this the monster i meant to be?
i hope you're crying for me

we took in all the knifes in winter
just to throw 'em away to you on summer
breathing in the breeze
that comes like a hammer

the world seems so upsetting
for the one who lives in colourful films
i live for her unrealistic dreams

searching for gold in mines
big black holes for big smiles
'cause you loved shaking this heart of mine
that became to be that violent
i believe you're trouble
lying down in silence

01/17

breathing the summer breeze to feel less empty
she told me:
''i'm the kind of cold that only your kisses would warm up''
maybe we are sharing the same wings while we are sharing the same bed

don't you see? just one bad mood after another
just a mama's boy inside a broken daughter

but home is not a home and in bed i lie restless
i'm can't help but to bring down the universe
tv is awful but the people who believe in it is worse
my desires are bigger than my body
it's almost telling me a cursed verse

even though i know you're sleeping with somebody

looking out for a punch in the throat
looking out for a punch to give
bring the battle, bring the war
you know i fall for all of it

i told you ''bridges could burn for you''
before you burned all mine
i'm not afraid of sounding too blue
i know exactly how i was before you found me and i know exactly how i am now you left

08/16

no one wants a crybaby
everyone is better than me
i left my love at home 'cause i will never be good
you told me the world is falling into pieces too

fever and bad dreams can't stop me now

i want to breathe your kisses to stay alive

i want this girl to come and save my life
i want to sleep for the eternity
but i dont think i'll try
i want her to take me from my arms and send me far

i don't want to get to heaven
if i'm gonna be without you

i hate the trees around here
they never grow big
just as their dreams
but my heart is flooding with all this bad blood
your voice is like a broken record all over my head

i'm forever chained to those dark clouds

please don't tell me to forget
day 0 from the accident
i can't recover anymore

i've been punching walls and jumping them too
i dont feel my skin and bones
i wish i was freer than before
i just need a shoulder to cry about it

i hope i see my eyes in yours
and that's never gonna happen

made of jealousy and chest pain
and it's always the same
so how can i make you change?

she's the best heart i've ever see pounding
she's the best bed to sleep in

if only fools fall
then i am the biggest fool walking 'round town

i still want it all

c

writing this love letter on my own
starting with an ''i don't love you anymore''
your new boyfriends can dance
i can't lie, not even for a chance

maybe i'm weaker but you've changed, maybe you've changed
you lost your keys to go back home
and it was all my fault
everything comes deranged

what happened with all the way back?
i was in love there
i was in love all way back down
down down down