note to self

When you dance all alone 'round your room on saturday nights everything looks so fine. Your demons are waiting for you outside that door, of course. But tonight all the town will be alright.

bad days make us go weaker and weaker

are you waiting for kisses in the back of dark cars?

you had become the greatest looner,

the television is so loud again,

i don't care about my results.

only just about the voice around my ears goes and goes like a ghost

that pretty face of yours is going nowhere.

at the end of the day we only think of drugs

the mirror tells me 'everything ok' but all i am

is fucking creep begging for your love,

this place smell so bad

and i can't even tell you how bad my week was

- ''i don't ever remember my life without feeling anxiety''

i don't know how to hold hands 
or how to write properly
i don't know which is my favourite food 
or color

but i know that your soul 
is the most beautiful thing
these wasted, fucked up eyes have ever seen

mr/mrs

just another 101 hours to meet you
just another week alone
light on another cigarette
'cause is never too late for start anew

she's the one here running out of things
while he's reciving letters from his own death
''sorry honey, i'm too busy tearing off my skin''

running 8 years strong
on the insides i'm hoping she's wrong
he don't remember the good old times
''maybe you've been dead all this time''
oh before all those nights

''why do i cared so long for you when you didn't?''
''why do i keep seeing your face in everything i wanna be?''

wqsc

i hate the taste of my lips
don't you do it too?
i bet you do

i'm desperated for a song to sing
don't you feel it too?
i bet you do

while she's picking flowers at midnight
while he's hiding under the park lights
while they keep it all inside
while you're running out for time

this truth is too simple to explain it again and again
don't you feel it too?

Es como... no poder escapar de uno mismo. (es una frase extremadamente trillada, pero nuestras vidas nacieron trilladas y morirán trilladas, nada nuevo en nuestras existencias podría probar que no tenemos vidas trilladas)

Es como... estar en una habitación donde la puerta esta con llave y las paredes están hechas de uno mismo. 
y simplemente duele, porque por momentos parece que tuviera la llave en mis bolsillos y por otros que la llave no existiera en absoluto.

Es como... sofocarse en tu propia cama. En el único lugar donde pensabas estar seguro y ya no lo es. Las noches se lo llevaron todo, hasta la seguridad en los sueños.

Es como ver en los ojos de tu padre... y solo ver el dolor que le provocas y que le provocan los demás, nada de colores y sentimientos. Ojos sin mirada.

''-¿y si escapar duele? 
-ya no me importa.''

Porque el dolor es algo tan oculto, el dolor se puede esconder y guardar en una caja en el fondo del ropero, en donde no lo tocaría nadie, solamente vos, pero podes evitarlo, no abriendo nunca el ropero o llegando a su fondo.

¿Pero que pasa si estás atrapado dentro del ropero, en donde todo duele? Donde estás en el mismo fondo que la caja, donde la tapa se perdió y tus ojos se encuentran con el miedo casi al momento de abrirlos. Y sabes que imposible cerrarlos para siempre.

Es como... no poder escapar de uno mismo.

Es como... respirar el mismo aire de tus pulmones una y otra vez, cada vez más viejo, mas rancio, mas impuro, mas muerto.

es como saber que todo se termina
pero sin un fin
porque el fin sos vos mismo
y después del fin
seguís vos
y vos
y vos 
y vos
es infinito
casi, casi como el dolor

no,
no todo
.

ynacrn

i saw trees go red for the 16th time
i won't rest my head tonight
when you are the mosquito in my ears at night

all you damned kids with your sad black and white salvation

on the inside we're young forests with nostalgia

living with a falling temptation

waiting at train stations

on empty city lights 

lighting nothing but empty hearts

and darling

i wish i couldn't understand a word you say 

but (damn) i do

and now i'm not scared 
i'm just dreaming with fear

I've been around two times and found that you're the only thing I need.

rrnp

''shit, i see you and still getting all those goosebumps,
all the wasted nights with your face around my head,
in all this time maybe you've said to me a few words
while i had told you so many stories,
scars,
poems,
but only in silent.
we holded hands just in dreams 
but oh god, you were so worthy, so goddamn worthy.
you still''

- about my first unrequited love

do you know what i'm seeing

''i want to write something about you
something that make me prove the feeling in my bones
something that erase the mess inside this

i found can't write about you because i'm choking on things
i mean, i love you
but some days i just hate you so much i want to throw all to you
some nights you make me feel like i'm swallowing all the water in the ocean
and my lungs are getting full
i mean, i love you
but my spine is never right

please, forgive me for all you've found
for all this i'm-so-hurt mess
for all this frightened little girl 

i mean, i love you
but my hands will never fit in yours

well, or at least i'm trying to''

- the feeling in my bones while i'm trying to write about you

itkfd

last night
i almost drown myself in the shower
singin'
''you're so overminded
ruining every single plan that you ever had''
better off dead, darling

this body is made of lies
i don't need you by my side

trapped in words
trapped in seas
trapped in my bed
with no one to see